In 2017 I had a lot of weird interactions with guys. I know that was a year ago, nearly two now since it’s literally the day before 2019, but they’re memorable nonetheless, and unfortunately relevant in what seems to be an unpredictable never-ending pattern of my life.
There was the guy I used to work with who kept coming into my work area and asked me what I was doing every day, knowing that my answer would always be the same.
There was the other guy I used to work with who pushed me for a ride to work even after I had said no repeatedly. I told him why I was mad at him, because he didn’t understand what no meant, and he later came back to my workplace after I had left and asked the manager if I was bipolar because I said no to him.
There was the insurance salesman who asked me where I worked and when I told him a farm said he was surprised because my skin was so pale. Who then asked me what kinds of things I liked, if I was single.
I told him that wasn’t an appropriate question.
I’m a quiet person, and maybe that makes me mysterious or alluring or something (HA!), so far it has just made for a lot of weird interactions with guys. I’m better at saying no now though, at calling out behaviour I think is inappropriate or acting like a bitch if that’s the better option, and sometimes it is. I used to hate being mean for no reason, well, not no reason, but reading where a situation was going, reading behaviours I didn’t like and shutting them down the simplest and least harmful way I could. By being cold, being distant, by being a little mean. Not completely mean, just enough to get the hint across, enough to make them go away. Maybe its intuition, maybe it’s just something women know.
It had been a while since a guy had been weird to me, so I was surprised that it happened again on Saturday (though I guess I shouldn’t have been) in a much stranger way than the past.
To be brief (because there are already too many details in this story) a guy I only vaguely know was rude in a cafe we both happened to be writing in. He left, came back, and told me that the only way he’d been able to get in (because he’d pissed off the owner) was to tell the owner I was his fiancée.
And I told him I wasn’t okay with that while he told me the owner was rude while I countered that he had been rude to them, which he “took responsibility for” but I only think he said that because he could see I was angry. He left not long after and I didn’t look at him when he did.
When I left I told the owner that I was not that guy’s fiancée and they looked at me confused. The owner told me that they hadn’t talked to the guy when he returned, that he hadn’t said anything about me being his fiancée.
So the lie was for my benefit then?
And people say women are confusing.
I am still angry. I know I shouldn’t be, that it was stupid and strange and I should be over it by now but maybe it’s because this has become a pattern, maybe it’s just because I’m so damn good at holding grudges but I am angry.
I am angry.
I told my friends about what happened and they were shocked and found the whole thing weird and funny, which of course it is, but it’s also annoying. It wasn’t long though until one of my friends asked “Was he hawt?” and my other friend asked if maybe he was socially awkward.
And well, my mind’s kind of whirling with a lot of thoughts now, so I might as well try to pin them all down.
First the guy I guess since what he did is confusing and absurd. I still can’t really wrap my head around what he did because it was so unbelievably stupid, and that I could see in his eyes when he told me the lie about being his fiancée how disappointed he was by my reaction. I could see he regretted it, not for the reasons I want but because he wanted a better response from me.
But why the hell would I reciprocate feelings for someone I don’t have, especially for someone I don’t know, someone who lied about telling the owner of the cafe that I was his fiancée.
I can almost see his thought process though; it’s like something out of a romcom. Two strangers who only know each other from separate tables at a cafe. Boy lies about girl being his fiancée, girl agrees (she is so flattered!) and oh how surprising they fall in love! And fast forward the engagement is no longer fictional, the girl is his fiancée!
So yes, I can see where his mind may have went, but who would actually think that would work? What kind of strange courting procedure is this where a woman is immediately smitten with someone she barely knows over a lie?
Someone has been watching too many romcoms. (Or too much porn.)
I could never be the lead in a romcom.
And then the response from my friends, just because it’s interesting and it’s another thing I can’t get out of my head. Because my friends were joking when they asked if he was hot, by asking if he was socially awkward. They recognized how weird and inappropriate the situation was but tried to make me feel better by throwing in some jokes, and I appreciate that.
I recognize though that these responses aren’t always jokes when people tell stories similar to mine, some people will ask those questions and be serious about them, actually expect an answer from the person who dealt with this. I’m trying to think back to the stories I’ve heard from co-workers and friends, stories like mine, and I wonder if I’ve responded the same way.
“Was he hot?”
“Maybe he’s just awkward.”
I probably have.
Because both those things are perfectly innocent statements, perfectly innocent things to say, but I keep wondering if they’re necessary.
My first reaction is no, I don’t think they are. And of course it’s different for me because these statements were made by my friends to cheer me up. I only mean that they’ve made me curious, made me think, and I like anything that makes me think. On the one hand, I like that people question certain actions because it means people are trying to understand the whole situation, and I think too often we take one perspective as fact while ignoring another, which can be very harmful in certain (more than we think) scenarios. But it also made me think about the things that happen and what we excuse, or how we try to excuse certain behaviours.
Does attractiveness have any say in the actions someone has to someone else? If a person is attractive does it make what they’re doing more acceptable than someone who isn’t? Is a socially awkward person allowed to say inappropriate things because “they don’t know better”? Again, my first instinct is no, but really I don’t know.
But it’s interesting and strange, all of this. And like I’ve already mentioned, I liked anything that makes me think, makes me question, makes me write everything down trying to find an answer even if I don’t find one.
And sometimes you don’t, and that’s okay too.
(Rolling Eyes Emoji Face found here.)