I bet you all thought I wasn’t going to write a blog post this week, part of me thought I might not either. But I’m kind of forcing myself to right now, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but is taking a lot of effort all the same.
But why is this post so late? Well I usually write my blog posts on Sunday, but this past Sunday my sister had to go to the ER and right after I went to see Avengers: Endgame with a friend (no spoilers but wow it’s amazing!) and by the time the movie was over and I’d gotten home it was 11:30 p.m. and I needed to go to bed for work the next day.
But what about every other evening? Why did it take me so long to write this? Well, I really don’t have a great excuse for that except that I was tired.
Part of that is that I’m catching whatever weird cold my sister has (my dad joked it’s a one hundred day cough and I hope to God he’s wrong) and I’ve been pretty drowsy because of it, but I also just haven’t been super motivated to write lately. I barely wrote anything creative (except some play scenes and blog posts) for the month of April, but I’ve decided with May I’m going to change that.
I thought I would feel worse with myself for writing this blog post so late like I usually do. I put a lot of pressure on myself and when I don’t do the things I think I should be able to I just end up making myself feel bad (I don’t handle failure well) but I didn’t this time. And I think part of that is because I know I needed rest and I’m learning to listen to myself and my body more.
I needed rest and I couldn’t do what I had planned, and that’s okay.
I’m starting to learn to listen to myself more and I’m proud of it. I’m proud that slowly but surely I’m peeling some of the pressure and guilt off myself that really doesn’t belong there and am trying in these little ways to be healthier. There’s still a long road ahead, and taking time to rest might not seem like much but it’s a huge step forward for me.
And now, I’m going to rest more. Because I need it (and I need this cough not to last for a hundred days!).