Sarah O'Connor

I’m having trouble finding my words again, though that’s nothing new. I would do more “What’s Going On?” posts to fill the void like usual, but you already know what’s going on. A whole pile of nothing. The days are largely the same, working from home and staying home. Maybe walking around the block if I can motivate myself to do that, read a bit, sew masks when I can make myself want to do that. I suppose there are some good things; I’m still journaling, trying to write creatively when I can. I recently attended a Writing Workshop online with Mona Awad through GritLit and it definitely motivated me in my writing, but I wonder how long that will last.

I know this all sounds very emo and depressing, but with the nice weather and little change besides that it’s hard to be optimistic.

Last week Ontario began the process of re-opening while our coronavirus case numbers continue to rise. I went out on the weekend to the grocery store, then later my sister and I went for a drive to get drive-thru coffee and noticed the crowds of people gathering, the number of people no longer physically distancing, how everyone thinks the nice weather and re-opening things means the virus is gone, that life can resume to normal, I mean just look at Trinity Bellwoods Park.

But we are still very far from normal. Not that that will stop anyone. Because people are very stupid and though we hate to acknowledge it, we think we’re superior. Despite the government urging citizens to get tested for COVID-19 if they display any symptoms I know few people will. We think we’re stronger than that, that we could never get sick, could never pass it along so we live our lives like usual not thinking of what could happen, not thinking that we could harm someone else. I mean, it only really affects old people and the immunocompromised anyway, why should you be careful.

Because of my immunocompromised sister who will have to go to work with the re-openings, who is at risk and hardly ever leaves the house. Because of your grandparent, your great-aunt or uncle who could be at risk. Not that that matters though, we don’t like to take responsibility for other people. Sure, we help one another at times but it really is a dog eat dog world, survival of the fittest, screw everyone else.

I thought we were smarter. I thought that with the numbers rising we would stop businesses from re-opening, that people would learn, that people would continue to distance from one another. But it was wishful thinking I guess, people weren’t physically distancing when this all started, why would they continue when the weather got nice?

I keep waiting for something to change from this. I hate that I’ve started getting used to this new way of living. I know it’s for the best but it seems that no one else does. I am just tired of all of this, tired of waiting for people to take this seriously, tired of politicians ignoring the obvious failure of re-opening, tired that law enforcement doesn’t break up these large gatherings. I’m tired of waiting for people to act as they should, of being smart, of caring for others. But I guess that was an imaginary thought all along.